lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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