final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Randomize
