She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Just puked most of my soul out..
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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