i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
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