can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
