he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
