i just wanna soil my oats bro
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
