There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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