Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
