Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize