You're a womanizer and a bitch.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Randomize
