I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
