I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
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