remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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