chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
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