if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
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