I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
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