he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize
