Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
