im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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