I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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