My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Randomize
