there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
