I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
