he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize