atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
