Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize