it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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