I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Randomize
