Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
True strength comes from lack of pants
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
