Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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