They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
