Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
