Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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