She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
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