I have demons in me.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
