i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
