I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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