There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
