guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
