So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
two words...techno handjob
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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