When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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