she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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