I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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