Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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