You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Randomize