I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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