So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Randomize
