i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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