Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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