I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
