All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
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