I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
