And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
