Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
It's rum buckets o'clock
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
