There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
