My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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