Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Quick, to the slutcave!
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
