I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
