dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
