everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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