Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
