You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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