i already hear my dad disowning me
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
