i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
