Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
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