I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
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