i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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