I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
