I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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