Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Randomize
