My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
