That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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