im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Randomize
