RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize