Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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