Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
