Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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